Rich's Top 5 World Cup Observations

The World Cup has taken over the show, and Rich has been watching closely enough to compile a list. Not of goals or upsets, but of the small, universal absurdities that come with soccer's biggest stage. Here is his top five.

Number five: every save must be followed by the goalie yelling at someone, if not everyone. A spectacular stop is never enough on its own. "He's got to yell," Rich observed. Is the goalie barking at his own defense for the breakdown, at the referee for a missed call, or at the opponents for something unnamed? The target does not matter. The yelling is mandatory.

Number four: referees use body language more than actual language. Rich chalked some of this up to the sheer number of nationalities on the pitch, where a common spoken tongue is not guaranteed. So the officials improvise. "The refs are like sort of like silent movie actors," he said, constantly waving play on, pointing, gesturing that a situation is over. Communication without a shared vocabulary.

Number three: always raise your arm, because the ball is never off you. Every throw-in, every corner, every goal kick, both teams throw their hands up to claim possession. It cannot possibly be off both sides, and yet the arms go up in unison every single time.

Number two: any contact below the knee requires you to grab your shin and writhe as though stabbed. It does not matter whether the blow landed on the foot, the knee or the shin. The response is identical and theatrical. Rich has a proposed rule for it. "If you pull this action, you're not allowed to get up within 20 seconds and run like a deer like it never happened."

And his top World Cup observation: absolutely no one needs, let alone wants, hydration breaks. "You don't need it. They don't want it. We don't need it," Rich said, noting that fans have started booing the pauses. "Fans have become anti-water."

He could not resist a bonus. Some World Cup fans, Rich noted, are like the sun. You get one glance, then you have to look away, especially when watching alongside a significant other. It is a Seinfeld world, as the room agreed, and a dangerous one for the guy holding the remote. The World Cup delivers drama on the field. The rest is just human nature under a very bright light.