This 15-Year-Old Eagles Fan Expertly Rage Baits Cowboys Fan TJ Jefferson

Dylan in Manitoba is 15 years old, has a few days of summer left, and spent one of them calmly informing TJ that the Cowboys will lose 90 to nothing on Thanksgiving.

The call started innocently. Commanders visit to open the season, Dylan's answer was "we destroy them," which Rich translated into the win column. A close win at Tennessee followed, then a Monday night win at Chicago, a game Dylan is actually attending in person.

Losses were rare and oddly specific. The Rams visiting in week four was a close loss. The Panthers coming to Philadelphia was, in Dylan's words, "a shocking loss," a piece of vocabulary that prompted Rich to ask whether Manitoba offers honors English.

Between those came a win in London against the Jaguars, which was announced this week for NFL Network with Dave Pasch, Kurt Warner and Jason Kelce on the call.

Then the Cowboys arrived, and the tone changed. "It's not even close. We destroy them," Dylan said of the Monday night meeting in Philadelphia. "It's going to be a beat down century."

TJ, to his credit, took it in stride. "I'm sure we'll smash," he offered, which is roughly all a Cowboys fan can say to a teenager who has not yet learned the concept of mercy.

Dylan then dropped a loss at Washington, beat the Giants, and got past the Steelers in overtime, a detail Rich made a point of writing down. Which set up Thanksgiving in Dallas. "Again, we destroy them," Dylan said. Final score: 90 to nothing. Rich wrote that one down too, then asked whether Manitoba also offers honors math.

From there it was a win in Arizona, a home loss to the Colts, a Saturday win over the Seahawks, a close win against the Texans on Christmas Eve, a demolition of the Niners on the road and a season-ending win at the Giants. Thirteen and four, with an overtime win against Pittsburgh and a 90-0 Thanksgiving.

The shape of the projection is what Rich flagged afterward. Start 3-0, lose three of the next five, then win eight of the last nine. That is a real season arc from a kid working without a spreadsheet.

TJ refused to call it trolling. "I don't think that's a troll," he said. "I think in his heart he believed that something happened."

The only sympathy in the room went to Dylan's parents, since school in Manitoba does not start until after Labor Day, September 8th. Rich, a fellow parent staring down the back end of summer, put it best. Everyone in that house is in survive and advance mode right now, like a five seed in the tournament.