Rich Breaks Down the Good, the Bad and the Very Ugly from College Football’s Week 5

Stay in this job long enough, Rich said, and you end up talking about a player who gets flagged in the middle of a five-sack game for, in the official's phrasing, simulating using the restroom.

That was Colin Simmons in the Texas-Tennessee game, and Rich could not quite believe the words coming out of the referee's microphone. "This was like a beer commercial," he said. Randy Moss came up, of course, with the reminder that Moss was merely mooning Packers fans because that is what Packers fans did to him and the Vikings when they arrived at Lambeau by bus.

Steve Sarkisian blamed society afterward, saying kids are doing things for clicks now. To be fair, Rich noted, Sarkisian did condemn the act, and Simmons apologized. Simmons also said he was "feeling himself," which Rich suggested he might want to rephrase. "We saw that, Colin," Rich said. "That's why you got flagged 15 yards."

Lost in the punchline was how close the game got. Tennessee nearly came back on an onside kick, and two days later the SEC officiating department put out a statement saying Tennessee should have been flagged and made to kick again. Had the Vols completed that comeback, Rich said, it would have made Michigan's win over Western Michigan look like a mere popcorn visit.

Then Rich got to the part that really bothered him. Why is Tennessee nearly beating Texas, or Florida smacking around Ole Miss, held up as proof of SEC depth, while Indiana's near miss against Northwestern gets read as evidence the defending champs are fugazi? "Somebody help me with that one," Rich said. "Anybody? Bueller?"

The pushback in studio was that nobody thinks Indiana is a one-hit fluke. Rich kept going anyway, ticking through the excuses. Oregon and USC going at it doesn't count, apparently, because people don't think of them as Big Ten schools. "Guess what? They are Big Ten schools," Rich said, pointing out that the Big Ten has the last three national champions "and the SEC hasn't even sniffed it." Iowa beating Michigan, he added drily, is also apparently not a sign of anything.

Then came the ugly part of the weekend. Dante Moore was knocked out on a slide and taken off in an ambulance. The defender was suspended by the school, and the room agreed the celebration afterward was preposterous. But the conversation also landed on how hard the play is for defenders, who break down to make a tackle only for the runner to slide into a violent-looking collision. "It's just a really tough spot for everyone," one voice in studio said. The counterpoint was that while it is tough to change trajectory in midair, "it did seem like there was still enough time."

Dan Lanning, meanwhile, let USC have it. He took a swipe at the Coliseum crowds first. "I haven't seen a game packed yet, but we were here. It was packed tonight," Lanning said. "So, I guess when the Ducks show up, right? That's how you fill up the Coliseum." Then the line everyone was talking about: "If you're interested in winning football games and you're from this area, you should go to Oregon. If you want to go to a Chris Brown concert, you should go here."

If Lincoln Riley is on a hot seat or in a hole, Rich said, "Lanning had the shovel."

And then there is Ohio State's Jeremiah Smith, who the room had pegged as a Heisman Trophy winner and a number one pick. Smith sits at plus 280 for the Heisman, with Darian Mensah at plus 300. "This kid's a freak," Rich said. Smith put up a four-touchdown day, and Illinois has since parted ways with its defensive coordinator. A.J. Brown got a man fired in the NFL, the room noted. Jeremiah Smith has already gotten somebody fired before reaching it.

Rich, a Michigan man, also flagged a concern for late November: Michigan likes to play man-to-man straight up. He is wondering if there should be a different plan.