Paul Rudd Talks Chiefs, ‘Avengers,’ Fantasy Football & More with Rich

Paul Rudd returned for his annual job on the show, naming Rich's fantasy football team, and he arrived fully in fantasy mode. He had spent the morning scouring the waiver wire for Cooper Rush, now starting for the Falcons. How many claims? "I put in 10 waiver claims."

Before the main event, Rudd had an issue to raise. Somebody on the show owns a hat combining the Yankees and Dodgers logos, and Rudd found everything about it wrong, starting with the size of the insignias. "What's the point of that hat?"

Rich explained it belongs to the show's audio executive, a diehard Yankees fan from way back who, now that the Dodgers are winning, has become a bandwagon jumper. Rudd couldn't process it. He kept thinking about the 1950s, Brooklyn Dodgers and New York Yankees. "How can you go from that one? I just don't understand."

Would Rudd, who grew up a Steelers fan before becoming a Chiefs fan, ever wear a Steelers and Chiefs hat? Absolutely not. Rudd explained he was a Steelers fan as a little kid, back when you were either a Cowboys or Steelers person, then moved to Kansas City. His favorite Steelers retired, he drifted, and when he got back into football he decided to root for the team in the city he lived in. "And then when I left, then I got really crazy about them."

Rudd also showed up with a Zabar's mug of green tea, after searching his house for one of the show's mugs first. Zabar's came in second.

On the week's games, Rudd had been traveling and not following much, but he had caught both games and understood the big debate was travel. How early should you fly over? "Apparently nine days early is the answer," he said, to laughter. In his fantasy leagues, the week so far had come down to Rhamondre Stevenson, who at least gave him enough to hopefully keep him going through the weekend.

That led to the uncomfortable question of how many leagues he is in. Rudd's answer was five, and even that took some accounting. His daughter asked him the same question. He doesn't want to be in five, he said, but when you've been in a league for a long time, you can't just back out. His daughter thought five wasn't so bad, and then Rudd realized he wasn't counting "best ball leagues and a couple of guillotine leagues."

Rich rattled off his own, including a league with the poker guys, a guillotine league and a best ball league, and Vinnie Pasquantino came up as a fellow league member.

Then they got to the real villain of fantasy football, Jon Hamm, who Rudd said was up to pick at that very moment. "He sucks," Rudd said, laughing. "Don't get in a league with Hamm. And I'm in more than one league with him." The problem is how long Hamm takes to draft. Hamm once emailed the group that he was busy "making prestige television."

Rudd's most important league team is currently called Jukes Pukes, a holdover name from a poker hand that he admitted isn't great. What he really wants is to revive an old strategy from the one year he won that league. He changed his team name every week, and every name was a New York One reporter, starting with the Pat Kiernans.

This year he is considering the same move with Antiques Roadshow appraisers, because he knows them all and could fill several seasons. One week could be the Nicholas Lowrys. Another, the Arlie Sulkas, whom Rudd praised for being excellent with Tiffany lamps. And he floated a one-two punch: the Kevin Zavians one week, for high-end jewels, then the Berj Zavians, his father. "It's a family business," Rudd said, which led to the idea of a Zavian Cast as the alternate way to watch the show.

Then came the bracket, the show's yearly tradition of eight team names pulled from things said on the air, with Rudd as sole judge.

The first matchup was Flexing into Monken against Whiff of Leverage. Flexing into Monken drew a comparison to a Sarah McLachlan album, but Rudd went with Whiff of Leverage, explaining he prefers names that don't lean on football players. Rich called it a five-twelve upset.

Round two pitted Rip Torn Wormhole against A Papal Fact, a name born from a conversation about Pope Leo being a White Sox fan. Rudd didn't need long. "It's a Rip Torn Wormhole."

Third was Chaos Merchants, the phrase golf writer Alan Shipnuck used on the show for the LIV tour, against Flatbedding to Turkey. The second name came from Rich, Chris and Jason Fellers all having no hair and joking about taking a week off to fly first class to Turkey. Rudd, who pointed out that Shipnuck itself is a great name, chose Flatbedding to Turkey. "Many chaos merchants in the world right now."

The last matchup was Rivers Tribal Council, from Philip Rivers consulting his many kids about returning, against Spanking Flacco, from Joe Flacco's comeback attempt. The Flacco avatar, which Rich thought had a Jim Broadbent look, got more love than the name, and Rudd advanced Rivers Tribal Council.

In the semifinals, Rip Torn Wormhole beat Whiff of Leverage, and Flatbedding to Turkey beat Rivers Tribal Council.

For the final, Rudd reached for the appropriate comparison. "I now know what Meryl Streep felt," he said. "It's a choice."

His ruling went to his own recent conversation. "I was just talking about this the other day, about how brilliant and crazy the actor Rip Torn was," Rudd said, adding that the name has nothing to do with the NFL. "Your team name this year is going to be Rip Torn Wormhole."

Rich approved. "You can't go wrong going down a Rip Torn Wormhole."

On Monday Night Football, Chiefs against Broncos, Rudd refused to predict. "I'm so superstitious about all of this stuff. I never predict anything." He hopes Patrick Mahomes plays and nobody gets hurt on either side, and everyone knows who he wants to win.

Rich shared some encouraging evidence from Big Slick, the Children's Mercy fundraiser this summer, where Mahomes handed out footballs on stage and looked like his arm hadn't lost any velocity. Rudd agreed Mahomes seems to be a quick healer. The obvious caveat followed: dodging Nik Bonitto on a Monday night is slightly different from dodging Richard Kind on a stage. "Both things terrifying," came the reply. "Just a different kind of terrifying."

Congratulations were in order on the upcoming Avengers film, with Rich noting he thought Endgame was the end of the game, and now there is Doomsday. Rudd had a complaint about the branding. "What kind of sour titles?" His suggestion: "Avengers Touchdown."

And the show had one last pitch. Atlanta's backup quarterback behind Rush is Jack Strand, a name the crew thought belonged either in Boogie Nights or on a private eye show. The working title became Jack Strand, Private Dick, and when Rudd was offered the lead, he didn't negotiate. "Just tell me where to send my reel."