Kevin Pollak Reads a Story as Christopher Walken...about a Cat ..Getting Lasik

Kevin Pollak does not just show up. He shows up in a loud early-'90s 49ers jacket that a stranger on eBay overnighted to him, armed with stories about Sylvester Stallone, Jack Nicholson, Jon Hamm and the late Rip Torn, plus a short story read in the voice of Christopher Walken. As Rich put it, "You don't just show up with any stories. You show up with a Rip Torn story."

Pollak was in studio to promote Season 4 of Tulsa King, premiering exclusively on Paramount Plus. By the time he left, at least one head in the studio hurt.

**A Niner nut at 5-0**

The jacket was a statement. Five days earlier, Pollak decided he needed to wear something special for Rich, and he admitted that seeing it on the monitor, it was "too loud." Rich called it glorious.

Pollak is a lifelong 49ers fan, born and raised in an era when Joe Montana "was like the Messiah for my family." He is trying to freeze this 5-0 moment in time, because it's a long season. He also couldn't resist a little math. Five games in, by his count, the Niners are three and a half games up on the Rams and two and a half up on Seattle. Rich gently noted it's technically three up, though the head-to-head win in Los Angeles gives San Francisco the tiebreaker. The bonus for winning in the Rams' house? "You get a jacket," Rich joked.

The success has followed a familiar pattern, Pollak said. An outstanding player is questionable or injured, and the next guy steps up, from a rookie pass rusher to five sacks against Seattle. And then there's Brock Purdy, the last pick in his draft, who Rich had third on his Week 5 MVP list. Pollak loves his press conferences because "he refuses to have any attitude about how well things are going."

Rich asked about the night Pollak appeared on David Letterman right before Steve Young's first official start, with Montana traded to Kansas City and plenty of talk that Young had forced him out. Pollak reminded everyone to keep the era in mind, this was 35 years ago, before sharing his answer to Letterman: if a single shot rang out as Young dropped back for the first time, "there'll be 40,000 witnesses and nobody saw nothing."

Young, of course, turned out "brilliant beyond belief," Pollak said, and broke all of Montana's records.

**Sly learns the Peter Falk eye**

Pollak had never met Stallone before joining Tulsa King for seasons 3 and 4. The first thing Stallone said to him was that he remembered Pollak doing Peter Falk on Johnny Carson, all the way back to around 1989. Then Stallone wanted to learn how to do the Falk eye.

"Well, Sly, it's really quite simple," Pollak told him, in character. "You just got to learn how to move one eye, that's all, pal."

From then on, every time Pollak came to set, Stallone greeted him as Peter Falk. They took a photo together that, in Pollak's words, "looked like two idiots crossing their eyes." He called Stallone "quite a hilarious, charming fellow." As for the new season, Pollak was happy to report his character is "all right now," and with a show representative on set, he wisely stopped there. "This is a crazy season," he said.

**Nicholson meets Mom**

Rich knew what he wanted next. Pollak's mom loves visiting the set of everything he does, and on A Few Good Men, Nicholson teased him about it constantly. Pollak shared the photo of himself, his mom Elaine, his stepdad Dick and Nicholson outside the trailers, then narrated what Nicholson said while it was being taken: "Your mom's grabbing my ass, Kev. Get her off me. I'm just kidding." To Elaine, he added that her son was "a bit of a ham bone, a handful, but he's all right. He's doing some good work." To Dick: "You hold on to her. She's nuts."

Their characters barely interacted on screen, which made it funnier when Jessup singled out Pollak's Lieutenant Weinberg in the courtroom. Pollak said they were very clear with Aaron Sorkin that everyone needed to know Jessup "was not crazy about the Jews." Colonel Jessup, as the studio put it, did not celebrate Rosh Hashanah.

Nicholson, Pollak said, was "letter perfect, never missed a syllable" when he was acting. Off camera, he had one assistant he nicknamed Staff, so he could say he had a whole staff, and after a take he'd stand up and say, "Staff, light me."

**Rip Torn and Canadian Bacon**

Then Rich asked the question. Who's the craziest actor Pollak has ever worked with? "It's not even a competition," Pollak said. "Rip Torn. I mean, I'm not the only one to point this out."

The film was Canadian Bacon, which Pollak noted was Michael Moore's only comedy and a John Candy movie. Every day, Pollak said, Torn would decide someone in the cast or crew was out to get him, usually after lunch, which Pollak illustrated for the radio audience with what Rich called "the international sign of having a few at lunch." And not a day went by without Torn announcing, "I was on Nixon's list." For what? "No one wanted to ask," Pollak said. "Quite frankly, that's better left unknown."

The capper came from character actor Kevin O'Connor, who had the hotel room next to Torn at the Four Seasons in Toronto with his new bride. Through the very thin walls, they heard Torn yelling at overnight company for weeks. So, in the spirit of Letterman, the couple put together a top 10 list of things they heard Rip Torn yell through the wall. Pollak only remembered number one.

"I said, 'Milk it like a cow.'"

He claimed he only told the story because Rich's son was in studio and it was important to his high school education. Everyone on set had their hands over their faces. "Listen, last time I was here, I got 4 million views," Pollak said. "I had to make sure we did it again."

**Poker night and a classy Jon Hamm**

Chris had played in Pollak's poker game the night before and "booked a W," including a bluff on Pollak himself, before giving a good amount back chasing an open-ended straight flush draw. Pollak won more, but insisted it's not a competition. World Series of Poker winners have played in the game, and pro Maria Ho was stopping by that night.

The best story belonged to Jon Hamm. He showed up drinking coffee from a Contigo travel mug, and when the table gave him grief, Hamm launched into an entertaining four-minute Don Draper pitch on the double-locking system. The next day, a case of Contigo mugs arrived at Pollak's house for every player. "Is that not a classy Jon Hamm?" Pollak asked. "I still took his chips."

Hamm is also in last place in their best ball fantasy league, where he had a habit of milking the eight-hour pick clock, speaking of milking. One fantasy team in the mix, it turns out, is named Rip Torn Wormhole.

**Walken reads a short story**

Asked which voice people request most, Pollak said Christopher Walken, though it's become "a bit pedestrian" to do in person and is very hard to do well. Then he pulled out "a little something to read," an original short story about a quiet cat named Connie who gets LASIK on her weaker left eye from an "unfairly high-priced Beverly Hills ophthalmologist." Connie, it was said, could see into the future with that eye, though nothing interesting. "She could not see sporting outcomes or Dow Jones upticks. She's a cat."

Cooper was laughing. Pollak called it a first-time exclusive, and explained the secret: "It's the K. Words with a K."

**Twins with Al Michaels**

Rich mentioned that Bob Costas had recently noted how much Pollak and Al Michaels looked alike in the '90s. Pollak remembered Costas bringing it up to his face on his late-night show. His reply? "Let it go, little man," which he said he can say as a fellow little man.

That '90s run was big. Grumpier Old Men, Casino and The Usual Suspects all came out in 1995, and Pollak played Boss Vic Koss, the first guy to put the band on stage, in Tom Hanks' directorial debut, That Thing You Do. "I don't know if you guys heard, I was very big in the '90s," he deadpanned. Rich confessed he hasn't shown Cooper The Usual Suspects yet. Pollak's verdict: "This needs to happen tonight."

Before he left, Pollak plugged A Time for Death with Michael Kelly, a "big Atlanta guy," which Rich noted will make Week 7 interesting. And the jacket's next job? Pollak plans to wear it around town, looking for Rams fans.