Awww Man!!! The NFL’s ‘No Fun Police’ Is Back and Handing Out Ridiculous Fines

NFL players already know to keep their heads on a swivel. Rich has a new warning for them, and it has nothing to do with who's coming to tackle them. It's about their wallets.

"There's apparently somebody new in that office," Rich said. "I don't know if it's literally someone new or there's a new directive or something. But there's somebody with a keen eye of what they think is appropriate celebrations. And they're fining players."

The no fun police are back. Rich thought we were done with them.

Exhibit A is Kyle Juszczyk. He scored a touchdown for a 10th consecutive season with the 49ers, joining George Kittle in a group only four players had reached before them. He celebrated by taking a swig, because his nickname is Juice.

The league fined him a little over $14,000. Apparently somebody in the office thought it could be misconstrued as shotgunning a beer. According to Kittle, Juszczyk's nickname is now Beer.

Juszczyk's defense was airtight. "I wasn't drinking beer in my celebration," he said. "I think you guys all know my nickname is juice. I have juice on my pads. The stadium yells juice when I catch the ball. When I celebrate, I celebrate by drinking juice and it's been that way for years."

Then the kicker. "I don't even drink beer. I maybe drink like five times a year in the off season and it's usually with George cuz he peer pressured me."

"Pretty good argument," came the verdict in studio.

Juszczyk also got fined for helmet use in week one, so he's appealing both in what he calls a double-header hearing on Tuesday. The crew brainstormed a workaround: a juice box. But then you'd have to pop the straw through the cellophane, and that could be construed as a very different hand gesture. Double the fine.

He's not alone. Jake Ferguson got fined for a celebration where everyone was pretending to shotgun beers. As someone pointed out, it could have been a Coca-Cola, a root beer, a Sprite.

And Ja'Marr Chase and Tee Higgins both got fined for Chase pulling off his elbow pad. Chase said it was the People's Elbow, the move The Rock made famous. TJ hadn't seen it, and admitted that's not what he thought it was.

Chase wants help. "Superstars have to get in with the NFLPA and fight for our money," he said. "I'm getting fined for an elbow and doing the first down thing. I don't think we can tweet about it cuz we get fined for tweeting about it. So, like, players got to keep their mouth shut and deal with it."

Rich actually texted Juszczyk, asking why he was destroying the youth. Juszczyk wrote back, "Yeah, I'm such a monster." Rich's reply: "That appeal didn't work for Hannibal Lecter, so you better come up with a different one."

But the real question Rich wants answered is for whoever is making these calls. "What's going through your mind that you think that what I'm doing is offensive to potentially some? What prism are you watching the celebrations through?"

His position is simple. The league should get out of the policing business unless something is totally over the top. Multiple pumps? That one he can understand. Two is fine, three is a penalty, and there's a reason that was a skit. "You don't want to be a skit," he said.

Otherwise, who's running this office? "The dad from Footloose? Is that what's happening now? The church lady?"

Rich noted he's not an NFL Network employee anymore, so he no longer gets the videos from the league office about what's allowed and what isn't. He has no idea if this is a new point of emphasis. What he does know is that Juszczyk has been drinking juice after touchdowns for a decade.

"Theater of the absurd," one voice in studio said.

"Absurd," Rich agreed.